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[10 Mar 2006|11:03pm] january tried to immitate may and now the whole pattern is in chaos. snow on the ground, light in the sky. it randomly comes and goes. some days i long for miracles. for soft words out of nowhere, to be touched unexpectedly, or pleasantly revived. old friendships reignited, foe becoming friend. hope. i pretend that not everything that was said could possibly be true and that maybe someday we can talk again. my rose-tinted spectacles tell me we were special. my heart says we were a tragedy. do you remember what i meant to you? add?

[22 Aug 2005|01:26am] You probably don't know who you are or what you've done, but you're reading this and you made my day. You gave me a little more faith in myself. Thank you. It is people like you that remind me not everyone in the world is selfless. 5 add?

[19 Jul 2005|01:03am] You force your words down my throat, through my heart and into my stomach, where they sink to the bottom and lie, like heavy, valium-infused pills I should have taken a long time ago. Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is too harsh and it blinds me. I'm pushed towards it even though I don't want to leave this shadowed place; sometimes the only thing that comforts me is the darkness and the solitude I can find within it. The exit bears burdens I know I cannot support yet. I'm weak with realisation, numb to invigoration and scared of expectation. I've lost myself in your fears. So pure, so insecure. 3 add?

[18 Jul 2005|03:14am] I have dreams of old friends and new lovers. Of soft kisses and warm blankets. Of someone to hold until you drift into a comfortable silence and you reach that suspention between bliss and contentment. Someday there will be somebody who adores me. 1 add?

we can't go back to how things used to be [28 Jun 2005|09:19pm] this voice makes my insides melt and it reminds me of desperation. of playing it over and over and never getting anywhere. it reminded me of the past few days. trying to be thankful of everything that you have and everyone that you know, and yet you can't. what have i become? so much excitement and so much to live through. becoming the person you want to be shouldn't feel this way. it shouldn't be so numbing. i have everything i've ever dreamed of having. i even know which direction i want to go in. and yet...there's something missing. i don't even know what it is. i guess there'll always be something missing. so there's no point in searching. i just can't see why i have to be so complicated. i always say i'll be happy if only i had this or this. and then when i get it, i'm not happy. is this supposed to happen? or am i just fucked? add?

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